Everything often becomes just one big blur after the word cancer, and it is difficult to remember exactly what the doctor said. Either you already suspected that it was serious, you perhaps thought it was something else, or it has all happened so fast that you have barely had time to stop and take it in. Emotions shift quickly; one moment you may be angry, the next terrified, and then feel completely empty. For brief moments, you may even forget that you have just been diagnosed with a serious illness.
No matter how you feel, your feelings are not wrong. You are allowed to be sad and afraid, but also angry or happy.
For a long time it felt unreal, and I thought they must have confused me with someone else. At the same time that there was a lot of grief that life had been put on hold, there was also a sense of relief to get an answer as to what was wrong and that there actually was a treatment for me.
A crisis that turns life upside down
Receiving a cancer diagnosis often shakes your entire world. It can feel as though all security and stability suddenly disappear. Many describe it as a crisis-like state. An emotional rollercoaster where nothing feels the same anymore. In a crisis, it is common to feel intense grief, emptiness, or complete confusion. Everything can feel meaningless or unreal. There is no right or wrong way to react. The most important thing is that you allow yourself to feel what you feel. With time, it usually starts to feel a little easier.
The first period after the diagnosis
In the beginning, it is common to feel confused, restless, and depressed. Thoughts can race, and it is difficult to concentrate. It can feel as though the future has disappeared, that it is difficult to plan when you do not know what is going to happen. On top of the diagnosis itself come more pieces of news from tests, examinations, and decisions about treatment. All of this together often makes the first period very stressful. It is not unusual to be in several emotional phases at once. You may start to understand what the cancer diagnosis means, while still trying to process information about upcoming treatment. Many people find that it becomes a little easier when treatment begins. Then you know more, and the worry may decrease. Having a plan can make it feel less uncertain.
What should I ask the doctor?
It can sometimes be difficult to think of what you want to ask the doctor or nurse during an appointment. It can therefore be a good idea to write down what you are wondering about before the visit. We have made a list of questions that may be good to ask the doctor at your second or third doctor's appointment. Think carefully about which questions you and your loved ones want to ask, and then only ask the questions you are prepared to get an answer to.
- What kind of cancer is it?
- What treatment is available? Are there other treatment methods?
- Is this the best possible treatment? Is there other treatment available elsewhere in Sweden?
- Is the purpose of the treatment to slow down the cancer or to cure it?
- How do you know what effect the treatment will have? How is the effect measured?
- What different side effects may occur? In the short and long term? Can I do anything myself to counteract them?
- What is my treatment plan? When will treatment begin, and how long will it continue?
- What do I do if I want a second opinion?
- Does the treatment cause infertility/sterility? Are there any steps I can take beforehand to prevent this? Retrieve eggs/sperm?
- Who is my contact nurse, and how do I contact them?
- How will the treatment affect my daily life? Will I be able to continue working/studying?
- Can I get a written care plan? What psychological support is available? A social worker/psychologist?
- Can my treatment lead to any physical harm or permanent side effects?
- Where can I find more information?
Dare to ask even things that you feel may be a “silly” or “unreasonable” question…