It is common for cancer patients not to feel as interested in sex, especially at the beginning of the illness and during treatment. Some treatments affect the levels of sex hormones in the body, which can reduce the sex drive. Stress and anxiety can also affect desire, and for some, sex can be painful. The situation can become even more difficult if your partner also loses the desire to be close, perhaps out of fear that it will hurt or that the illness will worsen. But remember: cancer is not contagious, and you can be as intimate as you want to be and feel up to. How we react to a cancer diagnosis and to the treatments varies greatly. There is no right or wrong here! Some people feel a greater desire to be close, and that is just as okay. Sexuality is about much more than just sexual intercourse. It is also about closeness, sensuality, touch, and pleasure, both with someone else and with yourself. After a cancer diagnosis, your body may change, and this can affect your self-esteem, desire, and how you experience touch.
“It is difficult not to recognize yourself…”
It is completely natural to feel worry or uncertainty about your body, intimacy, and sex after treatments or surgeries. But sexuality does not always have to be about performance or “how it should be.” It can just as easily be about exploring what feels good right now, allowing yourself to be curious, and finding new ways to experience closeness and pleasure. Being close to someone can mean holding hands, hugging, caressing the skin, or simply lying close and breathing together.
For some, it can feel good to talk to someone who knows how to handle these issues. This could be your doctor, a counselor, or a sex therapist. They are there to listen, offer advice, and help you find ways to feel safe in your sexuality again. This applies whether you are in a relationship or on your own. It is also common to invite your partner into the conversation, if it feels right. Sometimes it can be easier to ask questions and talk openly together with someone outside the situation who has experience with exactly this.
It is not always easy to put into words how you feel, especially when it comes to something as private as sex and intimacy. But if you dare to take the first step, for example by talking to a doctor or nurse, it can open the door to important conversations. It can also help you feel less alone in your experiences. And remember that your sexuality is a part of you, and you have the right to receive help finding your way back to closeness and desire, in the way that feels right for you
During the time I went through my cancer treatment, I was single. I had no interest in dating or meeting anyone, nor in sex in general. That whole part of my life was put on hold.